I started writing this particular blog about running and what my running plans are for the future. It was actually all written and ready to publish, but I changed my mind on the topic. When I woke up this morning I received a message from someone that I went to high school with and they stated that they never knew about what I was dealing with when they went to school with me. Their message was kind and thoughtful and had me reminiscing about my high school days which led me down a whole new path of memories. I always talk about Cystic Fibrosis but I have another story that I never tell.
Of course, I always go back to the summer after high school..............
After I graduated from high school I was preparing for my future at Whittier College in California. I was excited and ready to be on my own and explore the sunny beaches of California and college life. I was ready to leave the land of the midnight sun and make California my new home away from home. I signed up to live in the dorms and even try out for their x-country running team. Unfortunately, life had other plans for me and I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in July of 2005, just weeks before I was supposed to embark on my college journey.
I had been experiencing pain in my back for the past year and it gradually worsened over the year. I started to lose feeling in my foot and I would get random episodes of nausea. An x-ray showed that I had a tumor on my spine, but I was reassured that it was probably benign because I was so young and active. The plan was to remove the tumor, recover and leave for school the following month. The day after my surgery I met the neurosurgeon who performed my surgery, and for the first time I heard that I had cancer.
I didn't cry. I didn't know what to do. I went through the tests, bone marrow extractions, blood draws, appointments and I had a mediport placed in body so that the chemotherapy wouldn't fry my already used up veins. I was nervous to start chemotherapy, it was called CHOP-R, even the word looks and sounds aggressive. I sat in a green chair, in a room, with other people who were also getting chemotherapy. There were a mixture of native elders and middle aged men and women. It was a two day infusion treatment process and I ended up being highly allergic to one of the treatments. An infusion that usually takes two hours took me eight hours. My skin turned bright red and it was extremely hard to breathe, but I endured it for the whole day.
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The chemo was hard on my body, but I braved the trek and only had a few episodes of nausea & vomiting. My oncologist told me I was so tough that I could get hit by a semi-truck and get up and walk away. My immune system was low and my body was tired and I ended up catching pneumonia. I was hospitalized and during that hospital stay I lost my hair (at the time it felt like a part of me had been taken away). I would go to bed and when I woke up my hair would layer the pillow. I would take a shower and my hair would come out in clumps. I always thought that I had thin hair until the shedding process began.
My dad came to the hospital with his electric razor and shaved my head. For the first time, I felt different and the experience of being a cancer patient became even more real and bitter. I felt anger and jealousy for everyone that was living in a world full of hopes and dreams. I was a 19- year-old self conscious teen and I was extremely embarrassed to not have hair.
On top of coping with being a hairless cancer patient and searching for my identity I had rumors spreading that I was making up that I had cancer for attention. I don't know who started the rumors but I do remember the person that asked me if I really did have cancer through instant messaging. I wish that I had inner courage and strength at that point in my life to have brushed off the remarks and gave that person a piece of my mind. Instead it was something that I dwelled on.
I rarely wanted to take photos and I never took any photos of me with out a scarf on my head. I was ashamed but I now wish that I had some awesome bald photos to show off. My inability to embrace the beauty of being a warrior in a difficult situation was broken. My heart was also hurting because, Adam, was away at school on the other side of the country.
I grappled with the thought of death being a reality at 19-years- old.
In December 2005 I finished the CHOP part of my treatments, but I continued with radiation for a month and the 'R' (Rituximab) part of CHOP-R treatment for two more years. The Rituximab was the drug that I was allergic to, but as the cancer shrunk so did my allergy. It ended up being a routine treatment that had no side affects. In August 2007 I finished my last Rituximab treatment and I packed my bags and moved to Colorado to pursue a degree in Elementary Education.
I am now graduated from college, married to a wonderful man that I met in high school, mother of dachshunds (terminology inspired by Game of Thrones), a cancer survivor, I am blessed by friends and family and I am a runner. It feels remarkable to be alive and to have the opportunity to enrich my soul with the beauties of this world.
I didn't write this particular blog because I want pity or for people to feel sorry for me. My intention was to write about an experience in my life that was painfully heart wrenching for me. I rarely share my cancer experience because it was a time in my life that I felt very vulnerable. It was a time of pain but now serves as a reminder for me to be thankful for every moment. Today I am able to see the courage and strength that I developed and I value the growth and learning that this experience presented me with. I wanted to share this story with the world wide web because it is a part of my story that still makes me uncomfortable. I can still relapse. I can't spend my whole life dwelling on the negative or "what if's", but I can spend it with the people I love and cherish and be eternally grateful for the time that I do have on this earth.
I am a cancer survivor but I am also a person that lives with Cystic Fibrosis!
May is Cystic Fibrosis Awareness month so I do want to take some time to educate people on this disease. I take about 25 pills a day and have about two hours of inhaled nebulizer treatments as well as running/exercise or wearing a vibrating vest that helps clear my lungs EVERYDAY!!
I read a blog by a person with CF, they said if you want a glimpse into the life of a person with CF try breathing through a straw.
I want to prolong getting a lung transplant for as long as I can so I run to save my life and I run because I am able to. I value each huff, puff and cough that I can endure when I run because that is a moment in my life that I am in control of. I run to stay alive!
May is also special to me this year because Team Boomer nominated me as Team Boomer Cystic Fibrosis Athlete of the month. You can read my story here:
http://www.teamboomer.org/sabrina-walker/
The Lost Lake Run 2014 is in August this year. Every year I look forward to this challenge because it gives me a goal and it brings together all the people that I love and cherish. 29 people are on my team this year. This 16 mile mountain run in Seward, Alaska benefits those with Cystic Fibrosis. This year I am the only person with CF running in the race. ALL donations are welcome to help fundraise for Cystic Fibrosis!!
I attend Figarelle's Fitness for my boot camp and personal training. The coaches/trainers are invested in their clients and they motivate people to achieve their fitness and personal goals. They provide support and are awesome at what they do! For the 2nd year in a row they will be hosting a burpees challenge. ALL proceeds go towards my Lost Lake Team :) 9 of my Lost Lake teammates are from Figarelle's Fitness!
I am so appreciative of the support!
I hope that a cure for Cystic Fibrosis is found in my lifetime. My goal is to bring awareness to Cystic Fibrosis and to inspire people to exercise. Exercise is an essential component to our well being. Everyone should devote time to themselves and care for their body.
Thank you for reading my blog.
Sabrina Walker
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