Skip to main content

Time Stamp

Time is a constant in everyones lives and continues to move forward whether we like it or not. Our own personal perception of time can change based on events going on in our life. Time seems to move slowly for someone who is in the hospital and eager to go home yet time can seem like it is moving forward too quickly when we are enjoying ourselves and in the moment.








Time is precious.











My wonderful son will be 2 and I can't hold onto time fast enough. I often scroll through my pictures and laugh at the wonderful moments that I have had with my family. Sometimes tears fall because these moments are treasured and my heart is full of love and gratefulness. The slow moving days filled with lack of sleep and the struggles of a colicky baby seem to fade. Our pictures and memories spark emotions so raw and true. Time continues to charge on despite our yearning to press pause.

The other day a memory on my Facebook popped up in my notifications. It was a picture from my baby shower and for some reason that picture made me think of one particular moment from that special day.  My best friend was helping me curl my hair that morning and during that process she found my first gray hair. I immediately plucked it and put it in a jewelry box to later show my husband. At first I was horrified that I had a gray hair but my mind was put to ease when my wonderful friend reassured me it was not noticeable and there was only 1.

I was 28 years old when I encountered my first gray hair sighting.

Life moved on. I continued my routine of working, running, medical treatments and boot camp. Big life events also took place as well like, giving birth to our child, getting a lung exacerbation and needing to be admitted into the hospital, Leo met Russell Wilson, and we experienced life as parents.


In Fall of 2016 I found my second gray hair and for some reason I was surprised! But life continued between gray hair 1 and gray hair 2. My baby turned into a toddler,  I ran a marathon, turned 30, worked, traveled, continued my medications and blew the highest PFT's I have had in several years.

For me, hair and time connect many monumental experiences in my life. There was a point in time where I had no hair and I remember the emotional process of losing my hair while going through chemotherapy. The tender head, receding hairline, my bedding needed to be changed through out the day because there was a constant sheet of hair that layered it. I held onto the last patches of my hair until the day my dad came to visit me with clippers. When I finished chemotherapy my hair started to grow back and each new hairstyle represented a different period in my life.


So many amazing and tragic events have occurred in my 30 years of life. I would never choose to have Cystic Fibrosis or Cancer but it has taught me to value the time that I do have on this earth.
Obstacles and pain will certainly arise but these challenges have left me with the courage and gratefulness to explore, love, dream and breathe a littler deeper. Our sad and heartbreaking memories remind us of our courage, strength, resiliency and our ability to overcome adversity. Our happy memories remind us of hope, dreams, compassion and love. Each day is subtle and unique but they quickly and quietly build upon each other to weave our whole life story.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Little About Me And My Life Challenges

My name is Sabrina Smith Walker, I have Cystic Fibrosis and I am a cancer survivor. Here is a snippet about my life: I am 26 years old, and was born and raised in Anchorage, Alaska. I still reside in Anchorage with my husband, Adam, and our two miniature dachshunds, Oscar and Lola. My friend, Whitney, made this for me when I was in the hospital a few years ago. I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at the age of 4. I was not diagnosed at birth because I am a quarter Tlingit Indian and it is very rare for someone that is Alaska Native/ Native American to have Cystic Fibrosis. I was told that I would not live past the age of 8, luckily that wasn't true! When I was 18 years old, I was constantly getting lower back pain and whenever I bent over or sat down I would feel shooting pains that would travel down to my feet. I eventually found out that I had a tumor on my spine that was cancerous. I had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. While all my friends embarked on their...

Motivation for Life

Every person on this earth has struggles and feats that they must face and try to stand up to. Our lives are shaken about and what happens next is really the luck of the draw. There are days filled with happiness and bliss, days with anger and hatred and there are days filled with pain or sadness.  Strenuous days leave people feeling defeated and broken down. Lately, I have been reading threads, blogs and discussions of others with Cystic Fibrosis who are outreaching for support. Some are heartbreaking encounters from families who are dealing with loss of a loved one with CF, there are others searching for guidance to cope with their life and there are prayer requests for loved ones in need of encouragement and a miracle. I may not need a lung transplant at this point in my life, but I understand the feeling of anguish and helplessness. I do not take my health for granted, but I also know from experience that this life can be tough. When I was 19 years old I was diagnosed with ...

One Year Around the Sun

My last post was in October 2014 and at that point in my life I was waiting for our precious baby to be born. Our lives were going to change in one moment and we were anxiously awaiting for that time to come. Little did we know that the moment we were waiting for would start with me waking Adam up early Monday morning (March 16, 2015) because I had either wet the bed two times or my water had broken. Eight hours later our lives changed forever as we transitioned into the wonderful world of parenthood. Our beautiful baby boy, Leo Jordan Walker, was born on March 16, 2015. The moment I laid eyes on Leo my body immediately filled with a love and happiness that took over my mind, heart and soul. He is our miracle. If I ever have a moment of feeling down and out, it takes one second to come to reality and realize that I am beyond blessed. I have heard Adam say, "Having a baby is the biggest job that we will ever have in our lives and it doesn't even come with an inst...